Goodbye, Lily
by leizapotter
Summary: Everyone knows that James began to deflate his head in 6th year, but why? What caused James Potter to back off of his lovely Lily? What would happen if Lily wasn't as perfect as everyone thought and could James see that? Could he help her? Would he be willing?
1. Chapter 1

All Rights of characters and AU go to JK Rowling :) Queen of everything.

James walked down the corridor with a small smirk on his face. He knew Sirius wouldn't see it coming until it was already too late.

 _Ha!_ he thought to himself _Serves him right for stealing my last chocolate frog._

"PRONGS!" Sirius yelled from afar.

James ran down the corridor laughing freely. His black hair waving wildly in the wind. The thought of Sirius Black with bright pink hair chasing after him made James grin. Although not completely caught off guard, James was slightly surprised Sirius was willing to leave the dormitory with his hair like that. Padfoot was overly concerned with his hair. James quickly looked over his shoulder before turning the corner, Padfoot was nowhere in sight.

BAM

James fell to the ground with a sudden splitting headache, immediately reaching up to hold his forehead.

" _Potter_ ," snarled a familiar voice.

"Snape," James spit back.

"You could try using that minuscule brain of yours to see where you're going, but I suppose it might be too much for you," Snape hissed.

"Sorry," James said begrudgingly. The word tasting bitter on his tongue.

"Sorry?" Snape chuckled, "My, my, my. Aren't we whipped?"

James stood up and watched Snape carefully as he moved to do the same.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sorry," Snape cooed, "Do you really think that if you're nice to me and suddenly have some manners, she'll forgive you? Do you really think she could just _forget_ everything you've done to us?"

"Don't do that," James said, "Don't drag her into this."

"Poor little Potter. So defeated from being rejected by his favorite flower that he can't even bare to have her mentioned in his presence?" Snape smirked.

"Don't talk about her!" James warned. His voice getting low and dangerous.

"Why not? She's not yours is she? Are you dating? Did you finally get that yes you so desperately begged for?" Snape's hand lay gently against his side, but held tight to his wand.

He stared at James, never breaking eye contact. James didn't respond. They paced slowly in a tight circle around the hallway.

"Well are you Potter?" Snape snarled, "Did you get your yes?"

"No," James growled out through his teeth.

James held his wand tightly, but didn't dare raise his arm. He wouldn't be the one to make the first strike.

"So upset?" Snape asked a smirk gracing his pressed lips, "So upset over a worthless-"

"Snape!" James roared.

"Little-"

"I'm warning you," James announced quietly.

"Mudblood?"

"Confringo," James swished his wand.

"Protego," Snape hissed, "Reducto!"

James quickly jumped to the side, the suit of armor behind him shattering to the ground.

"Oppugno," James commanded and the leftover pieces of armor flew towards Snape.

"Impedimenta," Snape yelled.

The pieces of armor stopped mid-air and then fell to the ground in a clamor. Students began to huddle around the circle. James was increasingly aware of the audience.

"Defending mudbloods part of your routine now? I thought you were the one to bully others, Potter," Snape yelled.

"Sectumsempra!" James fueled his anger into one final spell.

Snape jumped out of the way and landed with a large thud onto the cold ground. A flash of red and green flew backwards as the spell hit.

"Stop," Lily yelled.

James and Snape simultaneously whipped their heads towards the damage they had caused. Lily lay on the ground, bleeding from cuts all over her body. Her clothes had random gashes and holes. Her red hair pooled beneath her, floating in her own blood.

"LILY," James cried as he rushed forward diving to his knees.

James knelt by Lily and immediately began putting pressure on her wounds to stop the bleeding. Tears poured from his eyes as he tried desperately to save her. Snape lay cold and pale on the stone floor.

"Mr. Potter," Professor Mcgonagall swooped onto the scene, parting the watching students like the red sea, "Ms. Evans!"

James didn't look up at her. He merely continued to try and wake Lily, who was unconscious against the floor. Professor McGonagall looked at the scene for a moment before quickly whipping out her wand.

"Wingardium Leviosa," She muttered as Lily rose from the ground.

"Let me take her," James said hoarsely while rising with Lily, "Let me take her to the hospital wing."

She looked at him and nodded as he took Lily into his arms. He rushed down the hallway muttering quietly. Professor Mcgonagall and Snape followed.

"You're going to be ok, Lily. You're going to be ok," he repeated over and over.

James kicked the doors to the hospital wing open. Madame Pomfrey came rushing out of her office.

"What is all of this ruckus?" she hollered, "Minerva, what is going on? Ms. Evans! Potter you put her down right here, you hear me?"

She immediately took her wand out and began summoning curtain walls around Lily's bedside. James set Lily down.

"Out! Out!" Madame Pomfrey shooed the boys away.

James' heart stilled. He couldn't leave her. He couldn't leave Lily laying there like that. He _wouldn't_ leave her. McGonagall grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the curtained off section, throwing him down onto the nearest bed. James' eyes couldn't look away.

"I want an immediate explanation. Now," her voice was pure ice.

"We were dueling," Snape started, "James threw that curse at me and I moved and Lily-"

McGonagall stared at the two of them, decidedly. She nodded to herself.

"The Headmaster is out on business. You will follow me and wait within his office for him to return. I will be talking to the head of Slytherin about this and we will come to our conclusion. I hope you two realize the seriousness of your horseplay," She eyed them, "Follow me."

Snape stood and followed Mcgonagall towards the doors, but James didn't move.

"No," he whispered.

McGonagall froze.

"I'm not leaving her," James said with finality in his voice.

"Mr. Potter-"

"Professor you can give me as many detentions as you want and take away my quidditch team. You can expel me! I'm not leaving her," James yelled. His voice and eyes softened as he uttered his next sentence, "I can't leave her."

Snape stood by the door throwing daggers at James with his eyes, but Mcgonagall studied his face. She had witnessed his affection towards the girl over the years. She had seen his ill advised attempts to win her heart and had always suspected a deeper connection fueling it all.

"You may stay with Ms. Evans until Professor Dumbledore arrives. Then, whether or not her condition is stable, you will see the Headmaster," She said before turning around and marching out the door with authority.

Snape slithered out behind her, glancing back at Lily's bed before leaving. Madame Pomfrey's voice could be heard through the curtains, mumbling spells quickly. James felt sick. He couldn't push the image of Lily's red hair drenched in blood from his head. His robes had her blood on them, in them. Her blood was soaked within the molecules of the fabric, clinging to his skin. James was stirred from his thoughts as Madame Pomfrey exited the curtained off area. She looked at him pityingly and began to walk away.

"You can sit with her if you like," She said kindly.

Even Madame Pomfrey knew of the boys affection. His obsession with the girl with the red hair and vibrant green eyes. James slowly walked past the curtains. He had expected to see Lily glaring up at him with harsh words ready to fly off her tongue like poison. She wasn't.

"Why isn't she awake?" James asked suddenly.

Madame Pomfrey stopped walking and turned towards James.

"To be honest, I'm not sure. The spell shouldn't have knocked her unconscious. The injuries were severe, but not that severe. They were well placed for a blood outpouring, though. Give her time. The mind is a tricky thing," she began to walk away before muttering under her breath, "But not as tricky as the heart."

James sat next to the bed silent and still. His hands rested upon his knees, supporting his head. His eyes never left hers. This was the sixth year of chasing after Lily Evans. He smiled briefly as he thought of her bright red pigtail braids in the Great Hall that very first day. He hadn't been able to resist pulling on them. Something in his heart just _knew_ her hair would be soft and he just _had_ to confirm it. What he hadn't expected, was the angry bright green eyes that had captured his own seconds later. He REALLY hadn't expected her hair to suddenly turn that same bright captivating green from his touch. James chuckled darkly to himself. It seems Lily was prone to be the victim of James' accidental magic.

Those angry green eyes would become his constant companion. After embarrassing her in front of everyone on their very first day, James had tried to apologize. But Snivellus had hissed prejudice into her heart before he had even had the chance. James had been furious. A few hours ago James had still been furious, but it didn't matter anymore.

Lily's face was healed. No signs of the horrifying abrasions that had covered her body earlier that day. Poppy was a great healer, one of the best. But even she couldn't explain why Lily hadn't woken up yet. James suddenly hit his fist into his leg as hard as he could, tears welling up in his eyes. It was his fault that she was in that bed. It was his fault that her eyes were closed in such a manner. They were cold, dead looking. James had watched Lily sleep hundreds of times throughout their years at Hogwarts. She often fell asleep with her legs draped over the arms of the sitting chair in the common room. Her head slumped against the back of the chair as if she was still trying to read. No. When Lily Evans slept her eyes were a direct window to her soul. In fact Lily's eyes were _always_ a window to her soul that she couldn't seem to close. He would watch her. Before exams, her eyes would scrunch up in her sleep in concentration. He suspected that dream Lily was studying from the library of knowledge in her head, but he never dared asked her. Not that he hadn't been interested. James wanted to know everything about Lily, but he knew she wasn't as thrilled with the idea as he was. Her eyes would look tired and creased after their fights. This is how he knew she cared much more than she let on. But never, not even after 5th year, had James seen Lily's eyes like they currently sat. Motionless. Dead.

But what did he expect? Lily had lost her best friend only a year before and she had lost both her parents earlier this year. He knew things were rocky with her sister as well. Though he didn't know the intimate details.

Yet, things had been different between Lily and James this year. Sure, she still rejected his proposals to accompany him on a Hogsmead trip. But not with the same fire that she had once had. Until now, James had wondered if he was getting to her. If she was starting to hesitate and actually consider his requests—his pleas. But now, staring at her frail body and dead eyes James wondered if she had very merely been too tired to fight him. Drowning in her own life and James had somehow missed just how deep in she was. He had been too concerned with a "yes". It became an obsession. Not a game, Lily Evans was no game. As his affections towards her grew, so did his desire for her to want him as well.

So that was it. He had officially broken his own heart. He had broken Lily Evans.

"I'm so sorry," James whispered, "Merlin, Lily you just have to wake up. You just have to come back. I know you don't want to. It's the only reason you haven't woken up already. But you have to. Please."

His voice broke as more tears streamed down his face.

"Lily, I promise. I promise if you just wake up I will leave you alone. I won't ask you out anymore. I won't even talk to you unless you start it first. I'll stop following you around. Merlin I'll even change your name from Prongs' Property back to Lily on the map. I swear I'll let you go. I'll let you live and live peacefully and quietly and happily without me."

He grabbed her hands in his hands and kissed them. His tears rubbing off onto her skin.

"I am so sorry. I am so sorry for everything. For fighting with Sni- Snape. For embarrassing you. For loving you. I know you never asked me too, but Merlin I love you. I love you so much it hurts to breathe sometimes. Sometimes when I look at you across the room my heart just stops and when you laugh with your friends I just want it to be me so badly. I just want it to be me you're laughing with. And I'm so sorry that I have put that above your wants. I'm sorry I valued my wishes over yours. But I love you Lily and you have to wake up. I won't be able to live. Lily if you –"

He tightened his grip on her hands as another sob broke through his body.

"If you don't wake up, I don't want to be awake. I can't be here without you. Just wake up. Just live and be happy and be safe and it will be enough. I promise I'll leave you alone."

James sat holding her hands against his forehead and breathing in her scent. Memorizing it. No matter what, he knew he would have to let her go. Even if she opened her eyes, he would have to let her go.

"Potter," Professor Mcgonagall appeared by the curtains suddenly, "we have allowed you to stay here with her while the Headmaster was away. He has arrived now and has requested your presence. Come with me."

James nodded as he stood, still holding onto her hands. He leaned over and gently pressed his lips to her forehead and whispered as quietly as he could.

"I love you, goodbye."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to whoever wrote my very first review! I was so excited that someone actually read my writing! You made my week. Seriously, I told everyone about you. (Well, everyone who knows I write fanfiction.) I've officially decided this is NOT a one-shot. I'm not sure how long this will end up being, but if you want me to continue, let me know!**

 **As always, I am not JK Rowling and therefore do not own anything. Sadly, this is more true than I would like to admit.**

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James turned around and followed Mcgonagall out of the hospital wing. They passed through the hallways in silence. James focused on steadying his breathing and stopping the tears that continued to fall. Mcgonagall seemed to be doing her best to ignore the whimpering boy beside her. Perhaps she was annoyed with his foolish actions that had caused so much trouble. Or perhaps she was giving a moment of peace to a heartbroken boy and allowing him to keep a small bit of face by not acknowledging the fact that he was openly crying while walking through the corridors of the school. Either way she did not say a word until they came to rest in front of a majestic Gargoyle statue.

"Twisted Treacle tart," She muttered before nodding at James to proceed as the statue turned into a stone staircase.

James climbed the steps silently. The door to the Headmasters office flew open as he reached for it and Severous Snape ran out, clipping James' shoulder along the way. James didn't even flinch. Neither boy indicated that they had noticed the swollen red eyes they both shared.

"Mr. Potter, please enter," Professor Dumbledore said quietly.

"Professor, please just hear me out," James pleaded.

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows slightly and nodded towards the chair in front of him as he sat on the edge of his desk. He waited as James took his seat.

"It was my fault," James stated quickly, "It's completely my fault. Sniv- Snape goaded me and I took the bait. I was the one that used the curse and I am the reason she hasn't – that she hasn't—that she's in the hospital wing. I never should have dueled with Snape. I take full responsibility," James looked up at Dumbledore for the first time, "I should be expelled."

Dumbledore sat quietly looking down at James Potter through his half-moon shaped spectacles. He knew, of course, of the feelings that both young boys harbored towards the red headed girl. It seemed to him an issue of the heart rather than bad behavior. A silver wispy cat flew into the room and whispered into Dumbledore's ear. He nodded slightly as the cat faded.

"Mr. Potter, there is no need to go to such extremes. Ms. Evans has awoke and will be returning to her dormitory tomorrow. You and Mr. Snape will be serving detention for the rest of the month," Dumbledore smiled slightly.

James nodded and sat back in his seat. Air filled his lungs for the first time since he saw her hair flying through the air. Lily was awake. Lily was going to be ok. The two men sat in a comfortable silence as this new information sank in to comfort the young boys aching conscious.

"It's getting late, Mr. Potter. I suggest you find your way to your dormitory. I imagine it has been a very stressful day and you are quite tired," He smiled kindly.

James nodded, not really registering what he had said. Lily was going to be ok. He could breath again. Slowly. he stood and headed down the stairs. The hallways were empty except for the moonlight. The night was still, as if it were mourning the injured redhead. News traveled quickly in the castle. Everyone would know of the day's events by now.

James tumbled into the common room. It was past curfew and no one would be around. He slowly climbed the steps up into his dormitory. Sirius, Remus and Peter sat quietly around the window. James walked over and sat down silently. Sirius handed him a bottle of firewhiskey. James took a gulp from the bottle. No one said anything.

"I'm going to let her go," James said, finally breaking the eerie quiet.

"Prongs-" Sirius began, but James cut him off.

"Stop," He looked him straight in the eyes, "You didn't see her. You didn't see her eyes. I broke her. I didn't just hit her with a stupid spell. I didn't just get her landed in the hospital wing. I killed her eyes, her spirit. I've been selfish and it _hurt_ her."

James took another swig of alcohol.

"We're going to leave her alone now. No more fending off suitors, following her around, and no more operation flower picking. We're going to let her have a normal life," James took another drink and stood.

He began rummaging through the chest at the end of his bed, pulling out a piece of parchment paper and throwing it on his bed. He then collected several items from his nightstand. A picture frame with a smiling red head twirling in the snow, a detention slip signed by Lily Evans, a quill willingly lent that became one of his prized possessions. He threw them onto his bed. He gathered papers with plans scribbled out over them and journals with details noticed throughout the day and rare kind words cataloged. He threw them all onto his bed and grabbed the piece of parchment paper.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," he muttered.

The paper opened, revealing a large detailed map of Hogwarts. James pointed his wand at "Prongs' Property" and it quickly turned into "Lily Evans". She wasn't his. She wasn't his to touch, hold, or protect. She didn't belong to him and he needed to let her go. His heart felt like it was breaking.

Mooney walked over and placed his hand on James' shoulder. Padfoot stood on his other side and Wormtail stood behind him. They stared down at the bed. A shrine to Lily Evans. Everything that James had collected over the last six years. A physical representation of James' heart. Each one of them knew that to be more true than any of them were willing to say aloud. James took another swig from the bottle and threw the detention slip into the trash. He took another drink and threw the scribbled on papers into the trash. He took a drink with each item that he threw away until only the picture frame was left. James looked at the picture for a moment.

Lily had snuck out of the dorms that night. It was the first snow of the season. She had bundled up and crept outside to enjoy it. Snow was her favorite. James, unable to resist seeing what Lily was up to so late and had followed her under his invisibility cloak. He let her walk a few corridors ahead, following her with the map. His heart had almost burst as he stepped out into the night. Lily was twirling around with her arms in the air to catch the snowflakes. Her tongue out as far as it would reach and her eyes shut tight. Her laugh was hypnotic. James quickly ran back inside and summoned his camera. When he returned outside Lily was still twirling. He took a picture. It was a moment they shared that James treasured and Lily never knew about. She had been so abandoned and free. So happy. James wanted to remember her that way always.

James went to take another swig from the bottle- It was empty.

"Prongs, you don't have to throw it away. She's been a part of you for six years now. You're allowed to keep a memento," Padfoot said softly.

"You can't expect to get over her in one day," Remus agreed.

"Just keep the picture. Just the picture," Wormtail added.

James dropped the bottle on the ground and nodded. Tears streamed down his face as he looked down at Lily twirling in the snow. He wanted her to be free again. He wanted her to be happy again. He took the picture and gently set it in his nightstand drawer, closing it tight.

Not even Sirius made a joke about James' tears. The four boys crawled into their beds silently. To be truthful, they were all heartbroken. The Marauders heart beat as one and at that moment, one of their hearts was dying. They all felt it. The darkness of the night swooped in upon each of the boys. Cradling and comforting them as they lulled into a dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it has been awhile since I last updated. Things have been pretty crazy in my life. I got a new job and midterms hit all at the same time... Which just means I spent a great amount of time praying to Merlin that I would survive. Here is a short chapter for you to read. The next chapter will also be rather short, but it will be posted either today or tomorrow. These chapters are really just transitional and will help you to understand where the story is going next. So be patient with me, please.**

 **Disclaimer: These lovely characters and the world they live in was given to us by the Queen, also known as JK Rowling. I merely move them around and play house for my own entertainment.**

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Lily woke to a gentle warm pressure on her forehead. She kept her eyes closed, memorizing the feeling.

"I love you, goodbye," whispered a tender voice.

The comforting warmth left and Lily opened her eyes in time to see James Potter shuffling out of the back of his raven black hair shifting as he stared at the ground.

" _James?"_ She thought.

Lily looked around and realized she was in the hospital wing. The sun was setting and bits of orange and red fluttered through the windows, settling onto the stone floor. Lily tried to process the last couple of hours. She had been eating in the Great Hall when a group of girls ran out giggling about James being in a duel with some oily Slytherin.

 _Lily's heart immediately sank. She ran out of the room, leaving her bag behind and following the gaggle of girls. The duel wasn't hard to find._

" _Oppugno," James hurled pieces of armor towards shape._

" _Impedimenta," Snape yelled_

 _The pieces of armor had stopped mid-air and tumbled to the ground._

" _Defending mudbloods part of your routine now? I thought you were the one to bully others, Potter," Snape hissed._

 _Lily pushed a second year student out of the way and hurled herself forward._

" _Sectumsempra," James cursed._

" _Stop," Lily cried as Snape jumped to the side and sharp blades cut through the front of her robes. Her head hit the ground and a warm blackness spread over her as a voice screamed her name in the distance._

" _James"_ , she thought again.

Lily sighed. Madam Pomfrey came rushing over.

"Ms. Evan, you're awake. That's good to see. You gave Mr. Potter quite the scare. Well now darling, don't you fret. Your injuries have been mended and no serious harm was done. Why don't you go to sleep and in the morning we'll see how your feeling," She instructed while turning away, "I'd have better go tell Minerva that you're awake. She'll want to let Dumbledore know, of course."

Lily closed her eyes. She was quite tired. She had been tired for the last year or so. It had been harder to carry on. Perfect Lily Evans. Straight A's. Six page essays for a three page maximum, usually turned in a week before the deadline. Her image was beginning to weight on her. At first she had been determined to prove herself, but it didn't seem to matter anymore. The one person she wanted to impress, the one person she never thought she would have to, didn't accept her anymore. It had been a long year without her best friend. She had other friends,of course. But none that understood her like Sev did.

When her parents had passed away, she had desperately wished that she had had Sev to help pass the time. Christmas had never been so cold. But as things stood, she was alone. The year had progressed painfully slowly. Each day had been harder than the last. She was starting to have a difficult time paying attention in classes. Her focus was almost non existent. She had been sleeping more. Sometimes she slept more than fifteen hours in a day. Though it never seemed to be enough.

As the darkness began to creep over the red of the sun, Lily thought of James.

" _I love you, goodbye."_ Whispered through her head.

James loved Lily. And that had been the only constant throughout the last six years of her life. She wondered, slightly, what he had meant by goodbye. But she was sure that he merely meant that he had had to leave. She fell asleep comforted by the fact that James, no matter how idiotic he may be, would always be the one constant in her life.

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 **Reviews always help speed up the writing process ;) Constructive criticism is welcome as well!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok, so here is the next chapter, as promised! Please do let me know what you think. I've given this a good amount of thought and I'm REALLY excited for 7th year to start... Let me know what you want to happen ;)**

 **Shoutout to my 3 reviewers!**

 **Guest (my very first and favorite reviewer)**

 **paaslongaswearetogether (You are too kind)**

 **brighteyes343 (I updated just for you 3 )**

 **Disclaimer: Although I have tried, I have not successfully transfigured into JK Rowling.**

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Dumbledore sat in front of the great hall, watching his students curiously. The Ravenclaws were quiet, using every second to study for the last day of exams. The Slytherins hissed to one another while watching the rest of the hall with disgust. It seemed that the division amongst the houses was growing ever more prominent as Tom's power grew. The Hufflepuffs talked amiably amongst themselves. A rather festive group of boys gathered around Amos Diggory. A sixth year. He was a chaser on the quidditch team and sure to be captain the next year. Many of his fellow students were quite smitten with him. Dumbledore chuckled to himself. Although Diggory was a big fish in the pond, he was nothing compared to the Marauders.

The Gryffindor table was alive with energy, as always. Students chatted excitedly about the summer adventures awaiting them. The four boys were gathered in a tight group, oblivious to the rest of the world. Sirius Black stood, his hands waving in the air excitedly as he explained some misadventure he had had or some girl he had conquered. But there seemed to be a bit less life over the last month or so. James Potter sat laughing half heartedly at what Sirius was saying. He stopped laughing and glanced over at Lily Evans. He frowned slightly and refocused his attention on his friends. It was obvious it had taken some considerable effort to peel his eyes away from the young girl.

Lily Evans had been increasingly silent. He watched as she glanced over at the young boy with raven black hair. She frowned and forced her attention back to her friends. Dumbledore sighed to himself, discontented. The two young students hadn't had any interactions in the Great Hall since the duel. James was usually fluttering about Ms. Evans. Asking her out in various different displays of affection. The two seemed to be at a stand still.

"Minerva," Dumbledore turned to face the woman next to him, "Have Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter interacted in your class lately?"

"No. It's been strangely quiet. I'm not sure what to think of it, really," She mused.

"Interesting," Dumbledore said, mostly to himself.

Amos Diggory stood and a great cheer broke out from the Hufflepuff boys as he made his way over to the Gryffindor table. The hall was silent as all eyes watched the boy stop behind Lily Evans and tap her on the shoulder. She turned to face him and he gave a soft smile.

"Lily," his voice echoed, "Would you like to go out with me?"

Every head in the hall simultaneous snapped over to none other than James Potter. James had grown a reputation for fending off any suitors of Lily's and had proclaimed her his property rather early on in their school career. No boy had ever made it through the Mauredore defenses, until now.

Dumbledore watched, intrigued, as James Potter stared pointedly at his food. Though he did not eat any of it. The three boys rearranged their seating, blocking Lily from James' sight. Shielding him from the inevitable pain.

Lily finally broke the silence.

"Thank you very much for your offer, but no thank you," She practically whispered, but everyone heard.

Lily stood grabbed her books and walked out of the Great Hall without looking back. As Mr. Diggory slumped back over to his friends, Dumbledore noticed the untouched food on Ms. Evans plate.

He frowned. Something had to be done. Dumbledore thought to himself. How could he force them to interact? Something had to break the ice in order for Hogwarts to continue in the affectionately loud and entertaining way that it normally did. Dumbledore wasn't an idiot. He knew that there was no hope for this year. It was already the last day of classes, after all, and tomorrow the students would wake early and be on their way home for the summer. He sighed. It was not a big secret that Ms. Evans parents had passed away and Dumbledore knew of Petunia's jealous ways. He didn't want her to have to go home to her sister for the entire summer, but what else was there to do? One last summer in her childhood home, haunted by the memories of happier times. Lily needed James. She needed happiness, silliness and laughter. All of the things that James exuded. Or used to be. They needed each other.

And then an idea hit him. Lily Evans was the obvious choice for Head Girl next year. She had earned it. Her perfect grades were paired with a kindness so unlike any other. She could see the good in anyone and didn't rest until they saw it themselves. But James Potter, could very well be Head Boy. He had grown over this last year, that was evident enough. But there was more to it than that. He had natural leadership skills. The students adored him and not just the girls. Dumbledore contemplated the way that James had saved Severus Snape's life, while holding the Marauders together during the rough patch. He saw how protective he was over Ms. Evans and how he had single handedly taken the blame for her injuries. Even though, Dumbledore knew that Mr. Snape had been throwing around some rather choice words. Yes! James Potter would be a great Head Boy.

He smiled to himself as he watched the boy with messy black hair push his food around his plate with a frown. By this time next year, if all went well, both James and Lily would be eating normally.

Dumbledore was sure of it.

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 **Reviews keep garden gnomes out of your lawn.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! As promised, this story is a bit longer than the last two chapters. The last two chapters were more transitional. Anyways, with spring break coming up, I'm hoping to have the next chapter up within a week. It should also be around 2,000 words. Just to clarify any expectations anyone may have, most chapters are going to be around 2,000 words. I promise not to post any less than that, unless it's super important to the build of the story. Hope all 11 (YES I HAVE ELEVEN FOLLOWERS ON THIS STORY NOW AND I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED) of you are doing well and have a great spring break! (Or week if you don't have spring break.)**

 **Leave reviews please :3**

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James walked onto the platform, a knot in his stomach. He didn't know what to expect, really. He knew that he was not what she would be expecting, though he didn't know how she would receive him.

"Be civil and respectful," James thought to himself, "Don't cross any boundaries and don't scare her."

The large train sat before him, shiny and new. It seemed like it was just yesterday that James had been a first year. Now he was a man, a seventh year, and head boy to boot. James ran his hand through his hair as he thought about the year before him. It would be the most difficult yet.

No one had to tell James who the Head Girl would be. It was a natural choice. When he had been named head boy, he had had a feeling that the universe was conspiring against him. The universe just had to wait until he had decided to leave Lily Evans alone and let her live a normal life, to push them together. He would have to spend time with her now.

Last year was hard enough, avoiding her. Trying his best not to stare or glance at her. Trying his best to hide his frustration when Amos Diggory had asked her out or his excitement when she had said no. Or his worry when she had ran out of the Great Hall. Lily Evans created many different feelings within James. Peacefulness, however, had not been one of them. This year there would be no avoiding her.

"Prongs!" Yelled a familiar voice.

James put a smile on his face and turned around. There they were. His three best friends. The only three reasons he hadn't forced himself into Durmstrang in his seventh year. The only three reasons he was surviving this anti-Lily plan.

The Marauders.

Sirius stood, tall and lanky with shoulder length black hair. His face was bright and alive as he excitedly waved James over. Remus, leaned against his trunk, reading a book with a slightly bemused expression on his face. Peter stood next to Remus, looking up at Sirius and trying to garner his attention. James glided over and casually leaned against his own trunk, smiling mischievously at the boys.

"So, where is it?" Sirius asked, "Were you lying?"

"Of course he wasn't! That's not something James would joke about," Remus said while looking up from his book.

James reached into his jean pocket and pulled out a gold badge that read "Head Boy James Potter". The boys laughed, delighted.

"Dumbledore was off his rocker! Think of all the pranks we can get away with this year," Sirius exploded.

"James wouldn't abuse his power," Remus countered, "This is a great responsibility and I think that James will do an excellent job."

"But Sirius is right, we can get away with almost anything," Peter said.

James laughed and they all began to head single filed down the hallway of the train towards their compartment. They had accidentally set off a load of stink bombs in it second year and no one else had dared use it since. Sirius always joked it was like they had peed on it to mark their territory. But the four boys agreed it was probably one of their more useful accidents.

"So, have you seen her yet?" Sirius asked.

James gave him a reproachful look.

"Prongs, she is head are going to have to see her sooner or later. You will be partners all year long," Remus explained.

"I've already thought about it. I'm going to be professional. I am only going to talk to her about head business and I'm still going to avoid her as much as possible." James said diplomatically.

All three boys started laughing at once.

"James, you barely made it last year and that was without any contact. How are you going to make it through this year?" Remus asked.

"I'm going to do it," James said determinedly, "She deserves better. She deserves to be happy."

"So do you," Peter said quietly.

James stood, pushing the door open harshly. He didn't bother with a polite goodbye. He needed the boys to be on his side. He needed their strength to get through this. Every molecule in his body wanted to run to Lily and hold her. He wanted to kiss her and be with her. He wanted to hear her laugh and see her smile and he wanted each one of them to be for him. His breathing was becoming more difficult as he thought of the distance between them. The impossible distance.

And then he saw it, her red hair. She was sitting alone in the compartment, her hair cascading over her shoulders and hiding her face. She looked thinner, a little too thin. And as he opened the door, she looked up at him, an expression in her eyes that James couldn't decipher. It almost seemed hopeful. She sat without saying anything. She was waiting. Waiting to see what he would do. James cleared his throat.

"Hello, Lily. I figured they would make you Head Girl. Umm, well, I'm Head Boy, but don't worry! I'm going to take this seriously. No joking around," James said while lifting his hands up, as if trying to prove he had nothing to hide.

Lily's eyes quickly changed. That strange look gone, replaced by a sudden coldness. She looked tired, James noted. There were bags under her eyes and the school year hadn't even started yet. He wanted, badly, to reach out and trace his fingers against the skin under her eyes, but he didn't. He merely sat down across from her and brought his parchment paper up to his lap and rested his bottle of ink next to him. He looked at her formally, professionally.

"So, we have the prefect meeting in half an hour and I figured we should make a list of what to talk about. That way we look more organized when everyone arrives," James suggested.

Lily looked at him for a moment. She seemed to be thinking things over. James prayed he passed her test.

"Ok," she said simply and they got to work.

The ride passed in a strange manner. It seemed that only a few minutes had passed, yet James felt that it had been years for Lily and himself. Like time had frozen around them and when they sat together, silently, in their head department, that the clock didn't turn. Afraid it's ticking would somehow disturb the charged atmosphere. James didn't know what, but it was obvious something was wrong with Lily. She was quiet, even for her. Usually, Lily went through times of being quiet and thoughtful, but that was only after she had just finished a book. As James watched Lily help the first years towards the boats, her eyes weren't thoughtful. They were quiet. As if someone had left a candle in the window of an old house, hoping that someone would see it and come home. James heart hurt watching Lily.

Sirius dragged James into their carriage and they set off towards the castle. The three boys did their best to distract and entertain James, but they knew his mind was somewhere else. Somewhere with Lily Evans.

James watched Lily. He had done his best to ignore her last year, allow her time to move on with her life and create meaningful relationships without his interference. Yet, looking at her now, he realized she hadn't. Sure, he knew that she had gone to classes and received perfect O's. But there was definitely something wrong with her, but how long had she been like this? Had something happened over the summer? Was she ok? Did she need him?

"No," he told himself, "Don't interfere. She doesn't want you. You need to let her be."

Lily sat at the Great Hall with her usual friends. They gossiped and giggled as the first years were being sorted and then laughed all throughout their meal. Lily however, did not eat much. Nor did she laugh very loud, it was more of a forced hacking sound. It was painful to hear.

James took the lead in showing the first years to the dormitories. He wanted to make life as easy as possible for Lily. She followed, smiling gently at a scared first year and taking their hand.

"Merlin, she's good with kids too," James thought wistfully.

They arrived at the portrait of the fat lady and James stopped.

"Piggly-winks."

"Wait, wait! Just watch, AhhhhhAhhhh" sang the fat lady in a screechy voice.

"Piggly-winks!" James repeated.

"Ahhhh ahhhhh ahhh" she screeched.

"PIGGLY-WINKS!" Lily yelled.

The fat lady stopped singing and looked at the girl in front of her. She turned her head away and let out a small grunt before swinging open for the students to go through. Lily turned and smiled at the young students, who looked rather frightened, and beckoned them inside. James laughed nervously and scooted by her.

After the first years disappeared into their rooms for the night, James and Lily met up back in the common room.

"Professor Dumbledore wanted us to meet him in his office after everyone was settled in," James said.

Lily nodded and they walked out of the common room, receiving a rather spiteful glance from the fat lady. James tried not to think of the last time he had been in Dumbledore's office as they walked through the hallways. It was comforting to have Lily next to him, walking and breathing. James muttered a few words at the entrance to the stairway and they walked up in silence. Lily knocked on Dumbledore's door and took a step back as it swung open of its own accord.

"Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter! Come in!" Professor Dumbledore was sitting in his desk, reading a book.

He sat the book down and looked at the two students in front of him, his eyes twinkling. A smile hiding on his lips.

"How was your summer vacations?" He asked.

"Um, fine?" James said hesitantly.

"Well, as you know, you two have been chosen as Head Girl and Head Boy. You'll be spending a lot of time together this year. In fact it's not uncommon for you to see one another more than your own friends," Dumbledore sounded almost giddy.

Both the students looked at one another hesitantly. James seemed scared. Lily portrayed no emotions.

"Now, it is no secret that you two have an interesting history," James and Lily turned red, but Dumbledore kept going as if nothing had changed," But I suggest you two find a way to civilly interact. Of course, as head boy and girl, you will be setting an example to the students on how to relate with one another. As the war builds itself up, barriers are built as well. It is of utmost importance to encourage inter house relations, forgiveness, and the ability to start anew. And with that said, I'm sure the two of you will do marvelously."

"Thanks, Professor?" James asked.

Dumbledore nodded at them and picked up his book, continuing to read. James and Lily took that as their cue to leave. They silently walked out. Each considering the words that Dumbledore had spoken.

"Man, he really is off his rocker," James said quietly, forgetting that Lily was still with him.

She looked at him for a moment before breaking out into a small giggle. She covered her mouth with her hand as they walked into the common room. James was mesmerized. He had made her laugh.

"I was thinking the same thing," she said softly, "Merlin, that was embarrassing."

James laughed in agreement as he looked down at Lily. Her eyes danced with amusement for a moment, before turning cold. She frowned and headed towards the stairway to the girls dormitory.

"Goodnight, James," She said while heading up the stairs and out of view.

James dragged himself up his stairs. He had made Lily laugh. For a moment, he could see life dancing around in her emerald eyes, but then all too soon it was gone. Lily Evans. He shook his head while thinking of what this year would hold.

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 **Reviews give socks to abused house-elves.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello everyone! I just wanted to apologize for being MIA. It was spring break and I ended up working every day. Anyways here is the next chapter and I hope you guys like it! This was a particular favorite for me to write because I so love the relationship between Lily and the other Marauders.**

 **Disclaimer: I would be JK'ing if I said I was Rowling. (I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.)**

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Lily sat staring out the bay window. The light drifted into the library, dust falling through the air. It was a quiet afternoon. Most students were out and about on campus. Maybe taking a walk down by the black lake. Lily, however, sat in her window, watching them from above.

The summer had taken a toll on Lily. She hadn't understood what had suddenly caused her world to come crashing down. But it started with her appetite. She didn't want to eat. Nothing seemed appealing. Then it moved to her sleeping. She couldn't sleep. Most nights she would lay awake, staring at the ceiling, no particular thought holding her there. Yet she couldn't seem to stop. She didn't feel like herself. Studying became a chore. She used to love it. Well, things used to be a lot different.

Petunia had barely spoken three words to her throughout their last summer together. That is outside of the speech she gave her when she arrived home.

 _"This is your fault. God, if maybe you had been here, or I don't know, actually cared about the family, then maybe it could have been you and not them in that car crash!_ "

Her words felt like ice in Lily's veins.

 _"Vernon and I are getting married and you're not invited. After the wedding we will sell the house and I will send you your half of the inheritance. Leave me alone after that. Don't ruin my life with Vernon with your freakish- Well with you."_

Lily had never felt so alone. And things at Hogwarts weren't much better. Even James Potter had given up on her. _James_. Their relationship had come to an end last year. After the incident, James had never spoken another word to her. She had tried, in her own way. Lingered around him a little longer. Pausing in the doorway out of class. Giving him opportunities to act, but he never took them. He wouldn't even look at her. And now, they were head boy and girl together.

"Merlin, I was so stupid," Lily thought to herself.

She hated how her heart at sped up when James had opened the compartment door at the beginning of the year. She hated the hope that had grown within her, for the split second, where she still thought he might love her like he once claimed to have done. But mostly, she hated how much it _hurt_ when it turned out he didn't.

Lily let out a small whimper as she tried to cover the tears that were quickly gathering in her eyes. She wiped them away, embarrassed she was having such a hard time over James Potter, of all people.

"Ahem," came a cough from behind her.

Lily's hair flew through the air as she turned to see where the noise had come from. Not two feet away stood a tall lanky figure with shoulder length black hair: Sirius Black.

"Hello Evans," he said carefully.

"Black," Lily said cautiously.

She wondered how long he had been standing there and how much he had seen or heard. He had a cryptic look on his face, as if he were going against his better judgement or breaking some rule he would rather not break. Which was an interesting thought, that Sirius Black had a rule he didn't want to break. He walked over to the bay window and sat down opposite of Lily, offering a coy smile.

"You know, most people don't spend their free time holed up in the library. They go and have fun with their friends," he said.

"Yes, well I'm not most people," Lily said simply.

"Ha!" Sirius barked, "No Evans, you sure as hell aren't most people."

Lily stared out the window. She wasn't sure why, maybe it was because she felt so lonely, but it was comforting to have him sit with her. She didn't look at him. Slightly afraid it would hurt more when he got up to leave.

"So, what are you doing in here?" Sirius asked.

"I should ask you the same thing. I wasn't even aware you knew where the library was," Lily said retorted.

"Well, well, well. I happen to be here because I am a great student and prime example for all students of Hogwarts to follow and worship," He puffed out his chest and Lily smiled slightly.

"I like the library. It's quiet and I can think. Plus, there's no one to impress in the library. People don't come here to be entertained by other people," Lily said softly.

"I can understand that," Sirius said seriously.

Lily was surprised that Sirius was being so nice. They really hadn't talked much throughout their years at Hogwarts. They had been in separate worlds, only connected through James. And when he left, the connection was gone. Forever.

Sirius stood to leave and Lily's eyes widened. She inhaled loudly. He looked down at her, his face perplexed. And then, to Lily's surprise, his face smoothed over into a comforting smile and he sat back down beside her.

"So have you heard about the new quidditch rules some idiot is trying to get passed?" he asked.

Lily shook her head and grinned. He was going to stay.

"It's complete crap! It would change the whole game! And not for the better. If it passes, that guy is going to hear from me," he said indignantly.

"Don't you want the game to change? Like a new challenge or something?" Lily asked innocently.

Sirius looked at Lily with bewilderment on his face.

"Have you ever played quidditch?" he asked.

"To be truthful, I don't know that much about it." She said.

"Well, Lily Evans, let me educate you," he said excitedly, "The first thing to know about Quidditch is that it is a gift form Merlin himself. The second thing to know about quidditch is that the blanket-blank-blanks suck and we never go for them. Now the rules in Quidditch are simple. Whatever team has the most points when the golden snitch is caught, wins. There's the quaffle, which is what James chases after it's red. There's the bludger, which is what I chase after. The bludger pretty much tries to break as many of your bones as possible. Usually the chasers bones," Lily looked sick, "But as beater, I keep the bludgers away from the chasers. And then there's the snitch. Which is worth 150 points and when that's caught the game comes to an end. James is a chaser, he tries to throw the quaffle through the hoops and score points. He's also the captain of the team, which means that he also has to keep an eye on everyone. It's a lot of responsibility. But James was made for that sort of thing."

"So, is our team any good?" Lily asked.

"Have you ever been to a match?" he asked jokingly.

"No."

"WHAT? YOU'RE A SEVENTH YEAR!" he roared.

"Shh, we're in the library!" Lily whispered, "I didn't go first year because I didn't want to sit alone. And then James made the team and he always made such a big spectacle when he saw me. I was afraid he would do something stupid or embarrass me."

Sirius laughed, "Alright, I'll give you that. Poor bloke might have fallen off of his broomstick if he saw you cheering in the stands. But you're friends now, aren't you?"

"I don't know," Lily wanted to say, but instead she simply shrugged.

"Then promise me you'll go to the next game," he said excitedly.

"Ok, I promise," she said with a nod.

"You can sit with Remus and Peter," he exclaimed.

"Do you think they would mind?" She hesitantly.

"They would mind you skipping out on them," he said with cheeky grin, "Besides this will give you an opportunity to see why James is always late to head meetings. As captain he's kind of responsible for all of our performances in a way. Great leader really."

"I know," Lily said a little too quickly.

Sirius gave her a strange look and she went back to looking out the window. She was about to say something when she heard someone inhale sharply behind the bookcase. James came running out with a furious look on his face. Sirius gave a sheepish smile and turned away from Lily.

"Sirius, I was just looking for you. Remus needs you. Now," James tone was cold and controlled, "Lily, I'm sorry for bothering you."

Lily watched as James practically pulled Sirius out of the aisle towards the library door. She could see them leave in silence. Her heart falling with every step.

"Next Saturday then?" Sirius called over his shoulder.

Lily beamed and nodded at him as James tugged on him even faster. James seemed as if he wanted nothing to do with Lily. But, Sirius had been surprisingly pleasant. She wondered why James didn't want Sirius to talk to her. She knew Remus well enough to know he was the kind of person to come and find Sirius on his own. He wouldn't send James as an owl. It was one of his pet peeves. So why had James lied? Did he really hate her that much?

* * *

James flew through the air, not really watching what the other players were doing. As captain, he should be paying more attention to try-outs. But to be truthful he was pretty confident in his choices already and was just holding tryouts to see if anyone surprised him. He had Sirius run drills as his mind drifted back to their conversation earlier.

 _"Stay away from her," James had practically growled as soon as they left the library, "We agreed to leave her alone."_

 _"No mate, you decided to leave her alone," Sirius said._

 _James punched him in the stomach and Sirius kicked him in the shin. They grabbed each others collars and tumbled to the ground._

 _"She needs a friend," Sirius barked._

 _"She needs us out of her life!"_

 _"You didn't see her," Sirius flipped James onto his back and pushed him down forcefully, "She about cried when I went to walk away."_

 _"You didn't see her lying in the hospital bed! You didn't see how dead she looked."_

 _"You need to let that go!" Sirius yelled while James kicked off of him._

 _"I can't let it go! Every time I close my eyes I see her lying there. I see her hair swimming in blood. Her pale face haunts my dreams. I CAN'T let it go."_

 _"You need to forgive yourself. For her sake," Sirius shoved James into the wall looked him in the eye and shook his head, "Just watch her in class tomorrow and tell me she's ok."_

James flew around the field, watching the players. As he suspected, no one stood out compared to his original picks. Sirius about fell off of his broom laughing at a second year who had been particularly cocky fall. He wingardium leviosa'd him just before he hit the ground. James sighed. Tomorrow he would have to watch Lily very closely.

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Review because its the civil thing to do and only Slytherins wouldn't. (Gryffindors would be brave enough to. Ravenclaws would be smart enough to. Hufflepuffs would find a reason to. But Slytherin's would just slither away...)


	7. Chapter 7

I would like to start off by apologizing for falling off the face of the earth. Some death eaters stormed my house and captured me. Thank Merlin, I lived. Jk, on a serious note I've been dealing with a LOT in my personal life. But things are starting to calm down and my love for Lily and James will guarantee that I finish this story. Please stay with me. I should be back to weekly updates and as a heads up my favorite part of this story line is next chapter! And I am SO EXCITED for you guys to read it!

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James set out the next day on a mission. He would be an observer. Like a tourist on a safari, or whatever the muggles called them. Only he would be watching a tiger Lily.

He woke early and made his way down to the Great Hall. He wanted to watch her all day. Partly to see her behavior and partly because his eyes thirsted for her and he had not allowed them any relief. He waited for her as the hall began to fill. Half asleep students tumbled in. James chuckled to himself as a first year boy with red hair fell asleep. The tips of his hair dipping into his porridge. The minutes passed, but Lily never showed. Her friends came in, lack luster as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except, Lily wasn't with them. James waited until Professor McGonagall left the table to begin making his way to class.

For the last six years Lily had been late to breakfast only a handful of times. Including the time he accidentally sent her to the hospital wing. He wondered if she had been skipping breakfast all year, or if it was just today. There was no flash of red throughout the hallways. It wasn't until James entered the classroom that he finally laid eyes on her.

She sat in the back of the room, her red hair in a messy bun, dark circles under her eyes. She had definitely lost weight, even from the beginning of the year. If James was honest with himself, she looked a little ghostly. Usually she was filled with a light that made her seem more alive. James sat in his desk and turned towards her. She didn't feel his stare.

As Professor McGonagall lectured, James studied Lily. She was trying her best to take notes, but seemed to be falling behind. She looked like she could fall asleep right there. Only she didn't. She kept going. James felt somewhat sick watching her. He hated himself for not seeing it sooner.

"Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall's voice interrupted his thoughts, "Would you be so kind as to pay attention."

Lily looked up for the first time all period. Her eyes meeting directly with James, the intensity of his stare surprised her. She couldn't look away. He wasn't willing to.

"Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall said loudly.

James turned away from Lily reluctantly. McGonagall gave him a stern look before turning back to the blackboard and waving her wand. The chalk immediately began to dance around, illustrating what she had been lecturing. Class passed slowly.

Potions was next. They made their way down to the dungeons. Potions was one of Lily's best subjects. She hardly needed to try and that was her saving grace these days. Lily chopped up her ingredients quickly, robotically, before throwing them in the cauldron. She seemed to be on autopilot. Her messy bun coming undone with her sharp quick turns. Slughorn didn't notice anything wrong with his star pupil. He flitted around her with compliments and admiration as usual. Though Lily used to offer up a small embarrassed smile, she didn't acknowledge him at all.

It was during History of Magic that James really began to worry. Lily sat in her usual seat, but as the Professor droned on about the Goblin Wars, Lily slowly slumped into her desk. He watched, as Lily Evans- Head Girl, Lily Evans, top marks, never late for class in the past six years, Lily Evans fell asleep.

She sat with her head down on the desk, her face turned to the side. She looked exhausted. Her face seemed more worn now, with all of her barriers down. Too tired to keep up any charades. The sunlight grazed her skin and warmed her complexion. James couldn't help, but admire how pretty she was. Even in her current state she was the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts. James could see that Lily needed sleep.

So in order to protect her from any sudden noises, he quietly cast a silencing charm around her. He hoped that it would give her a more peaceful rest. Only minutes after James cast his spell, Lily sat straight up at her desk. Tears flowing freely from her eyes. She looked terrified. Stuck at her desk, completely unaware of where she was. She looked around for a second before wiping away her tears and recomposing herself. She held her head in her hands and quieted her breathing. If possible, she looked even more tired than she had before.

At dinner Lily didn't eat much. She sat staring at the food in front of her, only taking bites when her friends gave her pointed stares. If James could, he would sit directly in front of her and stare until she ate everything on the table. He watched, curiously as she gathered her things and exited the Great Hall early.

Sirius nudged James shoulder and motioned with his head towards the door. James took the hint, following after her. He quietly tiptoed throughout the hallway, before ducking behind a corner, pulling out his invisibility cloak and wrapping it around himself. He was then able to follow Lily openly.

They walked an all too familiar path, and James' stomach lurched within him. Revolting from their direction. Slowly, but surely, they made their way to the hospital wing. James hadn't been inside since he had last seen Lily. She didn't look much better. Lily walked in.

"Ah, Miss Evans. Come for a refill?" Madame Pomfrey asked while exiting her office, "Tell me how are you feeling? Have the potions taken any effect in your daily life?"

"Well, I've been taking them every day like you said." Lily paused, "What exactly am I supposed to feel?"

"When these potions work, they really work. You should be able to feel more optimistic, more inclined to do things that once entertained you. You should start to feel more motivated," Madame Pomfrey explained.

"I'm trying," Lily said weakly.

"Don't worry dear, these things can take some time to settle in. We'll give it another week before upping your dose," Madame Pomfrey assured while handing Lily a bottle.

Lily smiled slightly, took the bottle, and headed back out of the room. Once in the hallway she took her wand and cast a small spell upon the bottle, so as not to spill it. Then she placed it in her bag. James suspected she had enlarged the bag, by the way the potion had dropped in.

Lily walked back towards the common rooms. James walked carefully a few feet behind her. He didn't want to her lose her, but his invisibility cloak did not make him sound proof. A useful attribute James had often felt the cloak was missing. They entered the common room and Lily tried to walk straight to the stairs.

"Lily," Marlene called out.

Lily tried to act as if she hadn't heard her, but was forced to stop when Marlene stood and walked towards her.

"Lily," Marlene called again, "Wanna go out with us tonight? We're gonna sneak into Hogsmeade."

"I can't," Lily said casually.

"Oh, I forgot. It's Friday night, you have to study," Marlene said sarcastically.

"Marlene, you know it's stressful being Head Girl and keeping up with my classes. I need the extra time," Lily said.

"You have all weekend," She said exasperated, "Plus you study really late every night. You never sleep."

Lily laughed half heartedly, "I sleep Marlene."

Marlene gave Lily a disbelieving look as Lily quickly escaped up the stairs. James followed Marlene back to the group of girls as he waited for Lily to return with her study materials.

"She's doing it again," Marlene said.

"Where does she go?" asked Alice.

"I'm not sure. She disappears every friday night. She says she's studying, but I don't know where! I've looked for her in all of her usual spots. The library, the beech tree, the window in the corridor towards the second floor. She's just vanished. Every week," Marlene complained.

James listened, his curiosity peaked.

"Merlin, I worry about her," Alice said, "She hasn't been the same since the incident with James Potter."

James froze, his blood running cold. Could he possibly have something to do with Lily's behavior?

"I can't believe that jerk! She loses her parents and Severus Snape- Although he was creepy. But she seemed really attached to him. So she loses them and he just acts like she doesn't even exist. Bugs the girl for six years and then drops her cold as soon as she starts having real issues. Merlin, I thought better of him," Marlene said coldly.

"I don't know Marlene, I think something's wrong with him too. He doesn't seem as lively as before. Don't you think? I wonder if we missed something in that incident," Alice thought aloud.

"Egh, it's been like this all year. Let's just go out and have some fun. I'm sure she'll be the same amount of a mess for us to worry about when we get back," Marlene said while heading towards the door.

Alice and the rest of their friends followed, leaving James alone to wait for Lily. He processed what they had said. Had it been cruel to abandon her so suddenly? It had almost killed him to do it, but he had been so sure that's what she needed. He didn't have much time to think before Lily came down the stairs. She looked around cautiously, sighing in relief as she realized that the girls had gone on without her. James observed as Lily walked through the overly warm common room wearing her winter cloak that traced down to the floor. She carried her bag in her hand and gently pushed the portrait open. James followed.

They walked through the hallways and down the stairs towards the lawn. James thought she may be heading out into the forbidden forest when she took a sudden turn into a nearby classroom, closing the door behind her. James squeaked the door open and walked through, making sure to pass by Lily without touching her. She jumped at the sudden noise.

"Bloody creaky castle," Lily muttered to herself as she closed the door and pulled out her wand, "Colloportus."

James settled into a wooden seat in the corner and turned to watch Lily. Lily set her bag down, stretched her arms above her head and yawned. James smiled to himself. Lily undid the clasp around her neck and allowed the cloak to fall like a curtain to the ground around her feet.

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Reviews tell me you're still reading and don't hate me. Please don't hate me...


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone. I don't know how many apologies I can give out, but I guess I owe you guys another one. I really am sorry. I will post another update soon. Hope you guys enjoy.**

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Lily allowed her cloak to fall to the ground, James gasped audibly. Lily stood before him in the cutest pajama set he had ever seen. The top buttoned up into a collar, though she didn't have it buttoned all the way. The top two buttons were undone. She wore matching pajama shorts. James had never seen her dress so casually. Some girls would hang around the common room in their pajamas, but not Lily Evans. He had dreamed of the day that he would get his first glimpse of her in this type of a situation. He had always hoped that she would knowledgeably and willingly let him see her like this. Though, he wasn't complaining.

Lily sat down on the ground and grabbed her wand in one hand and her bag in the other. She sat silently for a moment, not moving. James didn't like the way she looked, so pale and lifeless against the cold dark classroom.

"Accio blankets," Lily muttered and tapped the top of her purse.

Several blankets flew out and settled themselves out onto the cobble stone floor. Lily began to mutter quickly.

"Accio, accio, accio, accio," soon things were flying all over, transforming the classroom.

A white sheet hung itself on the wall. Pillows lined the blankets on the floor, candles flew to set themselves ablaze at the back of the classroom. Adding a slight ethereal glow to the atmosphere. Lastly a black plastic box, slightly larger than a shoebox, flew and gently set itself down to the side of Lily's makeshift bed. It had two large black circles resting on the top. Lily crawled into her bed, tucked herself into the blankets, and surrounded herself with pillows. James thought she looked not unlike a child, hiding in their parents bed. She looked rather small. With a wave of her wand the two black circles resting on the black box began to turn and the room became alive, transforming once again.

Rays of orange, browns and warmness stretched out over the classroom and landed upon the white sheet. Painting a portrait. A field of sunflowers at sunset stood before them. Lifelike and real. James was amazed, muggle pictures were different than theirs. He had studied them in Muggle Studies and even seen a picture in his textbook. The field stood before them unmoving.

"Lily!" a deep and gentle voice called out.

James frantically looked around for a man, but there was no one else in the room. Suddenly a small girl, with hair a deeper red than the sunset before her, ran through the field of sunflowers. She turned around to face them, smiling and laughing. James' breathe caught. He would recognize her anywhere. That little girl was Lily.

"Lily flower running through the sunflowers," sang a voice from nowhere.

"Catch me! Catch me!" Lily cried as she ran.

A woman in a white sundress ran after Lily, laughing and smiling brilliantly.

"Mommy's gonna get you," She sang.

"It's her mother," James said aloud.

He quickly looked over to see if he had alarmed Lily with his mistake, but she lay peacefully in her bed. He stood and took a seat next to her on the ground, examining her. She was fast asleep. Her eyes rested peacefully, her face seemed open, unguarded. She was even breathing easier. A sharp contrast to her nap earlier that day. James raised his hand slowly and removed a piece of her hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"Ahahaha," Little Lily laughed, recapturing his attention.

Another little girl was running after them now. She had blonde hair and a straight sharp nose.

"Daddy catch me!" said the blonde little girl.

"Daddy's coming for his flowers," The picture began to move towards the three girls running and laughing freely.

"Darling, put the camera down. You're going to break it," Lily's mother said half seriously.

The picture stabilized and a man appeared to run onto the field. He was tall and thin. Not unlike James. Lily quickly ran to him and he swept her up in his arms, throwing her into the air. As she fell back down her dress flew around her, she looked like a fairy. A beautiful fiery sun fairy.

"My turn!" the blonde little girl cried at her father's feet.

He picked her up and threw her into the air, calling out as he went to catch her, "The amazing flying Petunia!"

The girls laughed and Lily ran through the field after her mother.

"My turn," Lily cried as she reached for her father.

He picked her up and threw her high into the air, Petunia circled around his feet.

"Daddy, do me! Do me!" she cried.

He caught Lily as she descended and set her back on the ground. Then he picked up Petunia and threw her into the air. She screamed with giddily. Lily's mother became smaller and smaller as she walked away from the family. Eventually calling out to them to follow. The girls raced after her as Lily's father picked up the camera. When they reached her mom, she had spread out a quilt on the ground. It was decorated with hand stitched flowers. All four of them sat down on the quilt and watched with anticipation as their mom took sandwiches out of a basket and handed them out.

James looked over at Lily, the real Lily, while the family ate their food. She seemed peaceful. He smiled and tucked the blanket around her shoulders. He dropped his invisibility cloak onto the floor and re-positioned himself on his stomach, laying next to Lily, but still far enough away to be on the cold stone ground. He rested his head on his forearms and watched the family play. He was torn. He wasn't sure which Lily he would rather watch, the young vivacious Lily, that he had never had the chance to meet. Or the peaceful sleeping Lily, whom he had missed dearly and was here with him right now. James wanted Lily to look like that again. Vivacious, happy, laughing. He knew things would have to change, but was content in knowing that he would make sure they did. Lily would be happy. He would make sure of that. He lay and watched the video for as long as his eyes would allow him too before he too, finally fell asleep in the abandoned classroom.

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 **Review and let me know what you guys think! Also, which house of Ilvermorny would you be sorted into?**


	9. Chapter 9

***Slowly pushes Chapter 9 across table and looks away ashamed***

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James woke with a start. His muscles were abnormally sore and his bed felt like it had turned to rocks. He rolled over and immediately wished he hadn't. Frostiness spread across the vacated part of his bed. James moaned and slowly opened his eyes, shocked by what he saw. Not two inches from him, lay Lily Evans breathing and sleeping peacefully. Her red hair strewn about her face and the pillow holding her head protectively. James had fantasized what it would be like to wake up next to Lily Evans for years and in that moment, he decided it was perfect. In that moment, he decided that he never wanted to waste another day by not waking up next to his red haired beauty.

"I'm going to make you happy," he whispered tenderly as he remembered where they were and why they were there.

James sat up and tucked the blankets tighter around Lily, casting a warming spell on them to loosen her posture. Her hands clutched the ends of the blanket as if they were trying to pry warmth and comfort from them. James sighed. He knew he should leave, but leaving her like this, perfectly peaceful and asleep, was almost harder than leaving her hurt and broken. This was the Lily he wanted her to be all the time. He wondered slightly what she was dreaming about, but let the thought slip away as he faded under the invisibility cloak.

He quietly undid and recast Lily's locking spell and made his way back up to the dormitory. It was still very early and the hallways were empty. But as James pushed the portrait doors open, he knew he wasn't alone. Sitting around a burning fire, were the marauders. Faithful and wicked as always. They offered him smug smiles and sympathetic eyes.

"So, what's the plan?" Sirius asked.

"We are going to make Lily Evans happy," James said simply.

"How do we do that," Peter asked uncertainly.

James walked over and sat down with the boys, pulling off his cloak.

"Well, what makes her happy?" James asked.

"Homework," Sirius said.

"Giving you detention," Peter suggested.

"Books," said Remus.

James shook his head and stared at the fireplace, concentrating. Yes, all of those made her happy, but they were fleeting. Lily needed something more.

"I wonder," James said curiously.

"Hmm?" inquired Remus.

"Nothing," he said before shaking the thought out of his head, "Lily needs more than that. She needs people. Marauder, from this moment on, it is our mission to keep Lily entertained and socially stimulated. Of course, I will be taking on the bulk of the mission, but we will need to set up shifts."

Each of the four boys nodded in agreement. Peter reached into his bag and pulled out a folded up crumpled piece of paper. James smiled widely.

"You kept it?" James asked incredulously.

"Of course, don't believe for one second any of us thought you were through with Evans," Peter explained while tapping the piece of paper with his wand and muttering under his breathe, "Operation Flower Picking undergo."

The crumpled-up piece of paper floated up into the air, twisting and turning as it expanded. Unfolding and revealing its secrets. There on the paper sat a badly drawn woman with curves and red hair. She sat next to what looked to be a weekly planner filled out in a woman's hand writing. James picked up the piece of paper and examined it. Lily's entire schedule was laid out before him. He had enchanted her planner secretly and now every time she updated her planner, James' updated too. It was a good thing she was religiously glued to her calendar. There stood every moment of her day. From meals, to classes, to social engagements she planned to participate in and social engagement she specifically intended not to participate in. Everything they would need to perfectly pair Lily with a marauder at all times.

James examined the paper, he could easily stay with her for several hours of the day, every day. But they didn't have every class together and he couldn't force her to sit in the stands during quidditch practice. And even if he could, having her sit by herself for several hours may not be the best idea. He sighed.

"Alright, I don't have potions with her," he said.

"Lily and I are in the same advanced potions class," Remus explained.

"Thank Merlin for your studious ways," James said.

"I have herbology with her," Peter offered.

"We have magical creatures together," Sirius said, "And can I say she's not as squirmy as the other girls?"

"Of course, not!" James exclaimed, "Lily is only afraid of real things. Like death and stuff like that."

And sleeping in a quiet room, he thought to himself.

"Alright, so who's going to watch Lily while Sirius and I are in quidditch practice?" James asked.

"I could," Peter offered.

"I'll go too," Remus added on.

"Perfect, you guys can take turns depending on the night and your schedules," James said while mentally ticking quidditch practice off his list, "That covers most of the area's that I can't be there for her."

James frowned, they could be there with her all day if they wanted to, but when Lily really needed him to be there, wouldn't be an easy task. How could James be there for Lily when she slept? Friday nights would be easy enough, just sneak into the room with her. But that left six other night's in the week. How could he make it up the staircase?

"What's troubling you?" Remus inquired.

"Lily has a hard time sleeping. She needs someone to be there for her," he explained.

"Prongs, you can't be there for her twenty-four hours a day. You have to sleep," Sirius said.

"I know, I know. And I will, but I just need to make sure that she's sleeping. She hasn't been sleeping. I need to make sure she's ok or I won't be able to sleep," James whined.

"But you can't bloody well walk up the staircase," Remus said with a laugh.

"Well- "Peter said quietly.

"I know!" James interrupted, "I know that. That's the problem! I can't get up the staircase!"

"Well- "Peter tried again.

"Bloody hell, that's a tough one. Even I haven't made it up the staircase," Sirius said with a pout, "And trust me, I've tried. It doesn't even work if you get a group of girls to carry you up."

"Well- "Peter whimpered.

"How the hell would you know that a group of girls can't carry you up the stairs?" James asked.

"Betsy Lang really wanted me up in her room,' Sirius said while wiggling his eyebrows.

"Guys-"Peter said.

"She gathered a group of girls to carry you up to her room?!" James asked incredulously.

"Guys!" Peter said.

"Why didn't you just take her to our room? It wouldn't be the first time," Remus wondered.

"Well it wouldn't have been as much fun that way," Sirius said with a smile.

"MATES!" Peter yelled.

The three boys stopped and turned to stare at Peter.

"Yes Peter?" James asked, surprise evident in his voice.

"I can get you up the staircase," he said quietly.

The three boys stared silently, waiting for further explanation.

"I can get you up the staircase," Peter repeated.

"You figured it out?" Sirius yelled, the first to break the silence.

"How did you?" James asked.

"How long?" Sirius yelled.

"What have you been doing with this knowledge?" Remus asked.

"It was an accident," he explained, his cheeks burning.

"Accident my ass!" Sirius barked.

"Marauders!" James yelled, "Let him tell his story.

Peter swayed back and forth on his heels for a moment, gathering his thoughts before embarking on his tale.

"Well, I was hiding from Ms. Norris. I ran and she followed me into the common room. I thought for sure she was gonna get me! I was scrambling for my life and then I just started running up the stairs and it didn't even hit me which stairs I was running up until I got to the bedrooms," Peter paused.

"Well go on! What did you see?" Sirius prodded, "WHO did you see?"

"Padfoot," Remus said warningly.

"It was amazing," Peter exclaimed, "There were girls everywhere. They were in night dresses and their hair was all down. Some of their night dresses were short and lacy and white."

Peter looked off into the distance, a funny smile played on his lips as a far-off look took over his eyes.

"This still doesn't explain how you got up there," James said.

"Or why the girls weren't freaking out at seeing you,' Sirius added.

"Cause it wasn't him," Remus exclaimed, "Of course! The stairs couldn't discriminate against you. The girls would have owls, toads, and cats. They couldn't possible all be female! They would have to be able to get up the staircases as well."

"Wait," Sirius stopped the boys, "Are you telling me a rat climbed into the girls dormitory?"

The three boys stared at one another for a moment before bursting into a loud barrage of laughter.

"It's not funny!" Peter cried.

"Of course, a rat would figure out how to get into the girls rooms!" James added.

"Guys stop!" Peter whined, "You know I didn't choose to be a rat."

"No," Sirius managed to choke out, "the rat life chose you."

"Alright, alright," Remus said with a slight chuckle, "That's enough. Just be thankful he figured it out."

"Yeah," Peter stuck out his chin and crossed his arms, staring down at the ground, his brow furrowing.

"Oh come on," Sirius said while patting him on the back, "You know we love you."

"This is brilliant," James said while catching his breath, "I can get up the stairs now."

"Uh, mate," Sirius said while surprising a chuckle, "It may freak out a few students to see a giant stag climbing up the stairs towards the girls' bedrooms."

"Damn," James cursed, "And the invisibility cloak will be too small."

The boys sat for a minute. James stared into the fire. Sirius proceeded to lean backwards off the couch, his head hanging down. Peter scratched his hand. It wasn't until Remus, who had been tapping his wand into his hand, sighed in frustration that the boys started to think their brilliant plan may not be so brilliant.

"I mean we could use a cloaking spell, but I just don't think any of us are skilled enough to perform a quality enough charm," Remus explained.

"Cloaking charm!" James said excitedly, "It will work perfectly!"

"James, it would have to be a high level, professional spell, in order to pass by all of the girls." Remus warned.

"Mooney," James said while rubbing his hair, "That's what you said about the animagus, but we got that down! How much harder could this be?"

"It's not harder by any means, it's just that it's a completely different skill set. You were naturally gifted in transfiguration and that led to your teaching the boys. This will be different. None of us are skilled enough to take the lead in this. We will all be starting out on the same level. I'm not sure if we can do it," Remus fixed his hair.

"Mooney," Sirius said seriously, "It's for Lily. James will figure it out."

Peter nodded in agreement and Remus smiled besides himself.

"Alright, so we'll start practicing the cloaking spell tonight," Remus said.

A creak snapped through the air, causing all four boys to jump, wands raised, towards the portrait door. Lily emerged, half asleep, her hair a mess, her cloak disheveled, and her bag swaying to her side. She rubbed her eyes as she walked by the boys, without noticing their presence, and started up the stairs. Each boy stood, frozen, as they watched Lily float on by. As soon as they heard the girls dormitory door swing shut they turned to one another.

"Wow, she really is out of it," Peter said.

"We should get going. Everyone's about to start coming down for breakfast," Remus thought aloud.

"Mooney, it's Saturday," Sirius laughed, "No one's gonna be awake for a long time. The only reason we're awake is that girl and she's not even really awake."

"Well, we should get ready," James said, "As soon as she's ready for breakfast, we will be too."

"Operation Flower Picking begins," Peter stated.

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 ***Slowly crawls out of room in shame for not posting for 7 months***


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